A gloriously porous Spongebob Xbox console is coming soon

Say what you will about the latest iteration of the Xbox, but for my money Microsoft has some of the best and goofiest merch of the generation, like a tiny hoodie for your controller or an Xbox Series X-shaped mini-fridge. The latest special edition of the console itself is a great example. To celebrate the launch of Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2, Microsoft is releasing a Series X bundle with the visage of Spongebob Squarepants printed on four sides of the notably square-ish game console.

I think it’s a pretty ingenious use of the IP. One, Spongebob’s famously square default shape lends itself well to the Series X, at least if you don’t mind his giant, smiling face staring out at you from your entertainment center. And two, the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon is an undeniable classic, now 25 years old (ugh, I can feel that one in my spine). In other words it’s perfect nostalgia bait for millennials like me, which is more or less the entire premise of the Smash Bros-style Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl fighting game.

I also really like the controller, with its Mondrian-esque layout of all the Spongebob characters festooned upon the faceplate. Look how Squidward gets so typically shoved onto the handle while Gary the Snail gets premium billing, and Plankton’s eyebrow perfectly curves along the analog stick. That’s art.

How can you get your hands, hooks, tentacles, pseudopods, or other nautically-themed appendages on this special edition bundle? Step one, shop at a US Best Buy starting at 8 AM on March 7th, two days from now. Step two, hand over…seven hundred American dollars for the console, controller, and game. That’s a big ouch for a third-place console that frequently goes on sale. But who could put a price on a game console that looks like a cartoon sea sponge?

Best Buy could. That price is $699.99. Good luck.